What happens when Vergil goes to a BAR? oneshot
by Silver Eternity
Summary: I got bored and had recently played Devil May Cry 3,so I asked myself,"what would happen if Dante and Vergil went out drinking?" And BAM! I got this pathetic little attempt at a story.


Have you ever wondered what happens when Dante manages to get Vergil to go to a bar with him? I did. And I found out,not too long ago.

Busy slaving over the lyrics of my songs I was putting together to take to a record company for a make-or-break chance to have a career as a singer and songwriter,I was rather displeased when my sister Camri threw open the door to my pitch-black room loudly. In an instant I had dived under the desk to hide from the light that splashed over my chair as I hissed at her. She tsked at me,striding into the room and reaching under the desk to drag me out as I continued to hiss and growl. "Jesus,Hunkii,you haven't even had any alcohol in days and you've been in your study for a week. You are getting out of here,and I swear by Satan you are getting drunk tonight. You always write your best songs when you're drunk off your ass anyways." She dragged me into the brightly-lit hallway and I started to yowl like cat that had it's tail repeatedly stepped on. "FOR GOD'S SAKE,TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!! THEY BURN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER,DAMMIT!!" My sister,unfortunately,was well-versed in dealing with me when I was like this and knew just how to make me comply to her wishes. "Either you will force yourself to tolerate the light or I will set you up on the blind date I had intended for myself tonight." Immediately I submitted,letting her lead me into the kitchen. I not only knew she could and would make me do it,I know HOW she would make me do it,and the last guy she'd set me up with had left such a bad taste in my mouth I could still taste the bile three years later. I'd do anything to avoid going through that again. Predictably, the light stopped burning my skin and eyes about ten minutes later,and I realized something.

My lips struggled to form a coherent sentance as my mind basically ground it's gears against each other,trying to shift modes. When I'm trying to pick words for a song,what my mind does is it turns into a sort of computer,sorting through every word in my extensive vocabulary to attempt to express what I want to say with words that fit my preferred cadence- the odd,mismatched but somehow rythmic cadence that I liked and the cadence I was known for among anyone who'd heard my music. That's what my mind had been doing for the past week,so it was very difficult to shift back to a normal gear. Actually,it's always been hard for me to shift back once my mind has shifted into that gear. I knew my sister was right,as my mind reminded me I composed best while drunk as a lord,so I managed to force the observance I'd made to my sister. "Sis...if we're going to...a bar...I need to...change clothes." She stopped and looked me up and down,taking in my blue sweatpants and my baggy gray t-shirt that gave me a "prudish scholar" look that most definitely was not me. "Damn straight. Go get dressed in your usual. I'll be waiting in the car." I smiled to myself as she left and I walked to my room.

I shed my current clothes and changed into "my usual",which was my favorite outfit,especially when I went barhopping. I slipped into skintight black leather pants,with about two dozen chains of varying lengths and thicknesses hanging on them,a eleven on each side with the remaining two crisscrossing my fly and my ass,a silver X that indicated "off limits". I then tucked the bottoms of my pants into my boots as I drew the tooled black leather over my feet,silver stitching shimmering,and as I stood and pulled my shirt over my head I tapped the pointed toes of the boots against the floor one at a time to settle my feet comfortably into them. My shirt hugged my slender body,and the black cloth stretched over my generous bosom and stopped halfway down my midsection,and as my pants dipped low in front that showcased the tanned skin and defined abdomen there as well as my navel piercing,which was a large silver dragon clutching a large sapphire and ruby in it's front claws and it's mouth. That thing had cost me a small fortune,and I was going to show it off. I added a black dress shirt,rolling up the sleeves past my elbows and letting it slide down my shoulders so it bunched over my upper arms,as I was leaving it unbuttoned. I picked up my black stetson from it's peg on my wall and put it on to complete my country girl let loose in the city look,and smirked at my reflection in the full-lenth mirror. I looked like what I was. I loved looking like myself. I carefuly applied a nice coat of purple to my lips and some silvery-blue eyeshadow, then pronounced myself done and shoved the lipstick in a pocket for later. It'd wear off on the rim of my shot glasses later.

I raced outside and jumped into the car,loosing my hair from it's ponytail as I shut the door,my long flame-red hair immediately flaring out around my shoulders with it's new freedom. Smirking at my sister,I revved the engine and roared out of our driveway headed for the nearest and most favorited bar in this neck fo the woods,or so I had heard from the locals. Once reaching the place,we got out and strolled inside,quickly taking seats at the bar before swiveling on our stools in unison and starting to check out the locality as we waited for the bartender to reach us. Lots of lookers,but I could spot a prick from a mile away and I was seeing them all over this place. I had just dismissed my sister's sixteenth pick as not only a dick,but a taken one,when a rough voice behind us asked us what we'd like. Without taking my eyes from the crowd,I answered,"Whiskey. Straight shots." I could practically feel his surprise- he probably expected a prissy little drink like the women in this bar seemed to favor. My sister told him,"Bacardi. The mohito one." He disappeared, and my sister suddenly grabbed my arm. "Holy god,Hun,look at that! Twins,and they're hot!!" I looked in the direction she was craning my neck with her hand,and my eyes fastened on a pair of men. Silvery-white hair like spun starlight,percing blue eyes,and handsome young men were seated at a booth there,and I judged them to be around twenty two. I tilted my head,then delivered my judgement. "Not for you, Cam. Tought hot,they're not interested in bondage. Red leather's a player,but he prefers the mutual one-night stand and both of 'em like to dominate. Not your type. However,check out the black-haired mouse in that corner over there." I had noticed him while we ordered,and as soon as she saw him she grinned predatorily and slipped from her stool.

Chuckling to myself,I heard the bartender serve our drinks and turned to get hers. Standing,I took my shot in my left hand and her mohito in my right and walked over to the table where she was already convincing the mouse to take her home for the night. "Yo,Camri! At least have ONE drink befre you go off with your pick of the night! You don't come to a bar just to pick up guys,you gotta drink something." This was a thing she and I had worked out- most of the boys she picked to be her mark didn't beleive she really wanted to go home with them and must be drunk. Me bringing her her first drink of the night informed them she was entirely sober and made them take her home SO much faster. She reached up and took it from me, and we clinked glasses in a private toast. Her for me getting drunk off my ass,and I for her to enjoy herself for the night. I downed my shot and she sipped daintily at her tall glass,and I chuckled softly as I returned to my spot at the bar. After two more shots,I decided soemthing. If I was going to be drunk,I was going to be a bold and happy drunk. Still mostly sober,I waved over the barkeep and said to him,"You see those two over there in the corner? The ones with the silver hair?" He nodded. "I see 'em. Those are the Sparda twins,Vergil and Dante. What about 'em?" I gave him a freindly grin. "I can tell by loking at them they're no lightweights. Neither am I. So the next time they refill thier drinks,do me a favor. Give me what they're drinking and send them each three shots of whiskey,and charge me for the lot. Whatever what those things they're drinking are,they look interesting. They also look like neither of them ever got thier gullets scorched by some good stron whiskey. I'm doing them a favor." He laughed.

He told me,"Sure,little lady," and about five minutes later he served me up two drinks,one blue and one gold,in large glasses. I tasted first one,then the other,and found I liked both. REALLY liked them. I had them both downed in seconds. Licking my lips,I glanced at the place the Spardas were,and saw them peering over at me as the bartender pointed to me,having obviously delivered my gift and told them exactly who had sent it. I licked my lips again and grinned at them. They responded by raising thier shotglasses to me and then throwing them back in unison. I relished the looks of total shock on thier faces at the sheer strength of what I had sent them- they'd obviously been expecting the normal weak drink women preferred,and what I had sent them nerly knocked them flat. I smirked and flashed my teeth,picking up one of my four shots still on the counter and raised it to them,clearly challenging them. I threw that one back,and when I picked up the next they both did as well, throwing thiers back when I did. I finished my line of shots and they finished thiers, and I finally felt the booze seeping into my songmaker. I wasn't drunk enough to do anything stupid,but I was finally drunk enough to start writing my songs. I reached into the small bag I'd brouht with me from the car and pulled out a notebook and a pencil and started writing. By the time my next line of shots had arrived a few minutes later I had written three songs,and I wanted to test them out. Leaving my seat,I took one more shot before going up to the band. One hand on my hip,I asked them if they'd like to try playing something that'd just been composed. They all looked at each other,obviously finding the thoughts of a drunk woman composing and little humorus,then nodded.

After I instructed them in exactly what I wanted to hear coming from thier instruments,I went and fetched my notebook. "Okay y'all,listen up. I've written a couple songs,and I'ma test 'em out on this wonderful crowd that's here tonight. Ya'll up for it?" The crowd roared it's aproval,and I grinned. "Okay boys,let's play this."

_"I met a guy on a redeye_

_He spotted my guitar and said "whaddya do?"_

_I said "I sing for a living. Country music mixed_

_with a little rock and a little blues."_

_and he said "I'm sorry but I've never been crazy_

_'bout that twang 'n trains and hillbilly thang._

_What ever made you wanna sing stuff like that?"_

_I just looked at him and laughed and said_

_"cuz they're(chorus) songs about me and who I am_

_Songs about lovin' and livin' and good-hearted women_

_Family and God, Yeah they're all just_

_Songs about me. Songs about me."_

_So I offered him tickets. I said "You'll see what I mean_

_if you show up tonight." and he said,_

_"I doubt you'll change my opinion. I'll be kinda busy,_

_but hey man,I'll try."_

_The later one when we finished our songs about_

_sars and cars and broken hearts,I saw him_

_He was standing there right next to the stage and he shouted,_

_"Man you were right it was like you sang those_

_(chorus) Yeah they're all just songs about me_

_songs about me,yeah_

_So I'll just keep on singin'_

_'Til I hear the whole world sayin' "those are_

_(chorus x2)"_ Finishing,I pulled the mic closer to my mouth and I asked,"Ya'll like that?" The crowd absolutely roared their approval,and I grinned. "Alright then,here's the second one!"

"This is for all your sophisticated people out there.

_Now he grew up in the city in a in a little subdivision_

_His daddy wore a tie an' mama never fried a chicken_

_Karate,straight A,Most likely to suceed_

_They bought him a car after graduation_

_sent 'im down south for some higher education_

_put 'im on the fast track to a law degree_

_Now he's comin' home ta visit holdin' the hand_

_of a wild-eyed gal with a farmer's tan_

_And 'e's ridin' in the middle of 'er pickup truck_

_Blaring Charlie Daniels yellin' "turn it up"_

_They raised him up a gent but there's one thing they couldn't avoid_

_Gents love country girls_

_Yeah,you know_

_Mama's and daddies want better for thier daughters_

_Hope she'll settle down with a doctor or a laywer_

_an' their uptown ballgown hand-me-down royalty_

_They never understand why thier Princess falls_

_for some camoflauge britches and a southern boy drawl_

_Or why she's ridin' in the middle of his pickup truck_

_blarin Hank Jr. yelling "turn it up"_

_They raised her up a lady but there's one thing they couldn't avoid_

_Ladies love country boys_

_Aw,get country with it now_

_You can train 'em you can try to teach 'em right from wrong_

_but it's still gonna turn 'em on_

_when they're ridin' in the middle of a pickup truck_

_Blarin Lenord Skinner yellin' "Turn it up!"_

_Ya raise 'em up so proper but there's one thing you just can't avoid_

_They all love country kinds_

_They love us country kinds,yeah_

Oh,sing nana.

I like the nanas." Taking the mic again,I didn't even have to ask and they gave me a roaring ovation,having sung the nanas when I asked. I grinned so wide every tooth showed. "Okay,just one last song for ya'll. And this one is dedicated to all the hot little honeys I can see out and about tonight. Especially if you happen to be wearing tight pants.

This is his favorite song,you know that right?

so if we play it good and loud,

maybe he'll get up and dance again.

Oh he put his beer down.

Here he comes,here he comes.

Left. Left. Left,right,left.

_Girls're shootin eight-ball_

_throwin' darts at the wall_

_feelin damn near ten feet tall_

_here he comes Lord help us all_

_BDW's boyrfreind done slapped her out her chair_

_Poor ol' girl it ain't her fault,it's so hard not to stare_

_at(chorus) that honky-tonk badonkadonk_

_Keepin' perfect rythm make you wanna swing along_

_Got it going on like donky kong_

_An' Oowee,shut my mouth,slap your grandma_

_There oughta be a law,get the sheriff on the phone_

_Lord have mercy,how'd he even get them britches on_

_with that honky-tonk badonkadonk_

_Now honey you can't blame 'im for what 'is mama gave 'im_

_It ain't right to hate 'im for workin that MONEYMAKIN'_

_Band shuts down at two but we're hanging out 'til three_

_We hate to see 'im go but love to watch 'im leave with that_

_(chorus)_

_Aw,that's what I'm talking about right there._

_We don't care about the drinkin,barely listen to the band_

_our hands they start ta shakin when he gets the urge ta dance_

_Drivin everybody crazy,you think you fell in love_

_girl you better keep your distance you can look but you can't touch that_

_(chorus) Yeah that honky-tonk badonkadonk_

That's it right there girls. That's why we do what we do.

It ain't for the money,ain't for the glory

It ain't for the free whiskey. It's for the **badonkadonk.**" The whistling and the cheering just about deafened me. I gave my audience a bow,and when I went to return to my place at the bar a hand encased in a tan fingerless glove rested on my own. I looked up into ice blue eyes,and smiled. He smiled back,the silver hair he'd raked back from his forehead glinting in the barlight. He gestured me to sit with him and his twin,and I did so- actually,I sat directly between them. I looked between them,grinning,and decided to take the initiative. "Hello,boys. Name's Hunkii." The man on my left,the one wearing a red leather trenchcoat to match his black leather pants(which both of them wore),raised a brow. "Hunky?" I winked. "With two i's. Everbody calls me Hun for short. And y'all?" Red Leather replied,"Dante." The one on my right,wearing a blue cloth trenchcoat,answered softly,"Vergil." I reached out and snagged one of the shots they hadn't drunk yet and downed it before asking them,"Y'all like the whiskey?" Both answered,"Yes. And we'd like to thank you for it." I looked between them curiously. "And how ya gonna go about that?" Dante leaned over and licked the side of my neck lightly. "Any way you'll let us." I chuckled, tilting his chin up with a finger to get his mouth away from my neck. "Not that way, sweetie. I'll never be drunk enough to take that kinda thanks. I only accept thanks of the variety of more drinks. If ya wanna take me home,you'll have ta let me get ta know ya better."

Vergil skimmed his fingers over my shoulder,running down to my collarbone before taking his hand away. "Then we shall." We spent the next hour playing drinking games and spilling life stories,and when the bar closed,I went home with the two of them. And those two rather competitive brothers finally learned to share, I'll tell ya that. Turns out when Vergil gets drunk enough,he and Dante mirror each other. They're sweet lovers who never push too far and will do anything to keep it going. They're also rather...open to new experiences. They also have incredibly skilled hands and mouths,and you wouldn't BELEIVE thier libidos. Ooops,gotta go. Dante's driving me to the recording studio while Vergil's moving my stuff in,and my ride's knocking. Vergil'll drive me home. Y'know,it's rather odd,but...Dante's two hours early. Hm. Wonder what _he's_ got in mind...heh. Total sarcasm there. But y'all will find out next time I update what happens when I slip them both aphrodisiacs in thier whiskey. Later,y'all!!


End file.
